Adhd Artists Have Lists Of Forgotten Projects
You know you're an artist with ADHD when you have lists of neglected projects...
Over the last couple of months, I've been slowly adding to a list of all the places where I sell my work online. And I realized this list is kind of long, and I've neglected every single one of these. I honestly forgot they existed until I was reminded.
A Shelf I Codesigned with CoFo
And to add to that, these are just the places that are active RIGHT NOW and don't include all the online shops I have closed over the years. (I've had a Redbubble shop, a Fine Art America store, a StoreEnvy shop... and those are the ones I remember) Or the social media platforms I've given up on.
Being able to see this lack of consistency in myself is really frustrating, mostly because the underlying goal has stayed the same: To make art and to find a way to share it.
And when I think back on this, it’s always the same pattern. I’ll start something and be really excited about it. I think to myself "Ive finally figured it out! This is how Ill share my work with the world!" I’ll pour my whole heart into it. I may or may not have some success at it. But inevitably a point will come when I think I've either failed at it (like not making enough sales) or I hit a roadblock that makes it harder to work on it (like having to work a full-time job) and I feel completely dejected and hopeless and think "I will never be good at this!" and I close the shop, or stop posting about it, or otherwise give up. Some time will pass, and I will again have some free time and Ill do It all over again, but I won’t go back to build on what I've already done. No, no. I will do the harder thing and start something completely new. And repeat the whole thing again until another roadblock.
Even though I consistently want the same thing, I’ll pursue it inconsistently.
Even as I write this I feel frustration at myself. "Why couldn't I have just stuck to one thing!? I could be so much farther now!"
I'm in my late 30's and finally have a diagnosis and treatment for ADHD. I wish it had happened in my childhood. I wish I could have known why I struggled so much, even with the things that I love to do. And I wish I could have had some tools and support to make my goals more accessible. But there is nothing I can do about the past. I am glad to have this knowledge now.
Now I am able to step back a little and see that there is an underlying consistent goal, and that there is a way forward. I need to build a structure for myself to follow each creative interest as it comes. A place to gather everything together. I think this will be my website. Though I really don't know the specifics of how Ill do it.
Most importantly I want to stop thinking of each of those shops as individual failures, but instead see the underlying goal. And support myself in accomplishing it. I hope you do the same for yourself.
Do you have any long term goals that you pursue in a haphazard manner? Share that with me.
