Fear of Failure
When I at down to paint this painting it had been 7 years since I last touched acrylic paint to canvas and I was scared. Would I even remember how to use these? Would I still be able to blend? Will the colours I use look alright?
In those years that I hadn’t painted on canvas. I had painted digitally and I had even used acrylic paints on clothing in work as a costumes ager for a TV show. But this canvas isn’t meant to look like an old and dusty shirt. Nor could I hit the undo button on a canvas.
So instead of looking at the things that I had done that were similar to painting or that could inform it in a new way I just saw it as a big scary thing that i hadn’t done in a really long time and doubted myself.
But I started painting anyways.
And the first few layers were kind of a mess! I had to restart by painting over it about three times before I got it going the way I wanted! But once I did get going, did it ever feel good! It was familiar and easy and I would quickly slip into that state of flow that I can only get when making art. And the creative things I had done in those seven years did end up making the painting better. I was looser with my brush thanks to the work I’d done in ageing costumes and I was more precise with my forms thanks to the work I’d done in industrial design.
Fear of failure can be a powerful emotion, and Im glad I didn’t give into it.
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